I consider the phases of my life as periods started by building or re-building myself.
This next, third, phase started almost 3 and 1/2 years ago, in June of 2016, following the death of my wife, Jacquie.
So much also dies with the death of your spouse. Plans and dreams, friendships that you had formed together and with each other, but most of all, your daily, weekly, and seasonal patterns and habits. Following a period of intense grieving, you accept your condition and take stock of just where you are. I know that some of the widowed continue alone, some soon die of a broken heart, a few even commit suicide, and the rest of us move forward with our lives, working, existing, and trying to adapt. I prayed to God for what to do as I didn't feel that this should be the end, and I was inspired with one word, "Write".
My choice was to make a new life with parts of the past and some completely new. Who did I want to be and what did I want to do in this phase of my life? I decided to build it from four points of view. Who I was and what I was like when I met my spouse. What we liked to do that I would like to continue doing, now by myself or with another. What I would have liked to have done but wouldn't while with my spouse. And, what new things I want to do or be now, continuing to grow, writing, and now to give back. Basically, I decided that I needed to present myself physically, emotionally, socially, vocationally, morally, and spiritually as best that I can.
I once answered with 6 words while at a Toastmasters meeting themed "What Is Your Why?" As I was speaking, I introduced what I had come up with for my why. Learn, Teach, Help, Love, Laugh, and Dance. The first four, I defined myself, the last two were provided by a beautiful love that found me.
As such, I have done quite a bit new and met a lot of great people, some I could model, some I could help, some new friends, a lover, and a girlfriend or two. Friends, writing, Toastmasters, work, ballroom dancing, theater, movies, dining out, cooking, my Doberman 'Precious', and God fills my days.
I am giving back, helping others who are widowed, helping with the mentally impaired (NAMI), working up to tithing but also giving to whoever asks. I am enjoying exploring my Catholicism, testing my values, speaking and writing of heavenly inspired lessons. I have been told by a few others that my ideas on planning and actions have helped them adapt to their situations and to work on handling their problems and bettering their own lives.
This may seem strange that I call this the best part of my life, but the history, a successful 30 years marriage adhering to all of our vows, the new respect, the involvement, new relationships, new activities, a chance to do it all again, but better, and a renewal of my faith. I know that my wife still loves me and wants me to be happy. I cannot replace her and she is so much a part of me and who I am now. I look for beauty in everyday things and all that is around me. My past successes and failures may have been shared but I am responsible for them. Now, due to a new, positive outlook, I have successes or learning experiences, as I start to turn my life over to God to direct and guide.
What could be better? I think that I have my purpose now and I hope to present it in my activities, writing, and speaking. I am moving forward with the love and influences of my deceased wife, now in heaven. I still seek inspiration from God on what to do, what to write about and what to say, and receiving Divine Inspiration.
God bless you, and I hope this helps you.
