The best thing that I did after my wifes passing was to go out and get involved. I might have just stayed home with my grief, anger, depression, etc., but, due to my situation at that time, I could not. I needed a job. I had debts and responsibilities. So, I sought help with interviewing and my resume. But I also saw needs in my fellow job seekers, especially interviewing skills. As a result, we engaged the staff in employing the training in Toastmasters. What I found is that as I helped others, I received help.
I also sought help with my grieving as I could definitely not help myself alone with it. I joined one group specifically for people that have lost their spouse. That loss is very unique in that you have basically lost half of yourself. Your life and all relationships are changed or will change. It took another 10 months to find a new job, a contract position. But it took about 8 months first to start to accept my new life, and then to define what I wanted and hoped it to be.
I compare our life, our world, and relations with other people to a door. A door for our heart. Behind the door, we have a very limited view of life and the world. We can see only through small windows, hear muffled sounds, feel only those things inside, taste and smell only those things in our confined space. Our thoughts and memories become limited to our past and our confined space. But our heart is safe. Not to be opened up for the pain again that we felt with the loss of our spouse.
Having to go outside that door, exposing myself to new relationships, mostly acquaintences at first, I found that there was also help and friendship. People cared about me, my loss, my situation, without expectations, other than civility. I could not find a reason for the loss or place the blame on anything or anyone specifically. I could not get another chance with her to do it right. Death happens.
But there is life and love still. The two strongest forces in the universe. If we stay behind the door, our life is limited to what we have, what we had, and our love is only in the past. Coming outside the door, we see and experience a new life. A life that is for experiencing. Sunrises, sunsets, rain, beaches, snow, breezes, trees and flowers, birds, pets, more than we can count. And those are just in the present.
We also see opportunities. Things we would like to do, things to change, things to just sit and experience. We find things we didn't see before, new things, changed things. We see people that we know and want to spend time with. People that we would like to know. People doing things that we would like to do or try, going places.
We are social beings. We can stay behind our door, but that is against our nature. Parts of our lives are past, maybe just done, maybe devastatingly lost, gone but not forgotten. But the future holds unlimited opportunities, to see, be, have, give, share, learn, teach, and yes to love, again, and to be loved, again. Opening that door of our heart.
So, don't stay behind that door. Don't give up. Don't judge yourself or punish yourself. Go out and experience yourself in a new life with new loves.
